Wish She Would Cheat With Me

I've been babysitting my nephew for over a year now. My brother and his wife have been married a little under two years. Because of their conflicting work schedules, they don't see each other except on weekends. My nephew will sometimes stay five days out of the week with me and my parents. When he's staying with me, my brother and sister-in-law each come over to visit him when their schedules permit. My brother and my sister-in-law have been having marital problems. She complained that they weren't having enough sex. My brother seemed too tired for that. She also complained about my brother not spending enough time with her and their son. My brother is an independent record dealer. He will travel far to buy large collections of 1970's soul, blues, and jazz records for a low price and resell them for a profit. This keeps him away from the house a lot. Anyway, I've been helping out by babysitting almost around the clock. I sacrifice my time so that their marriage can have a chance of working out. Secretly, I do it mostly for her. She works really hard. When my sister-in-law comes to visit her son, we both take her son out to the park or to the mall. Sometimes I feel that the three of us are the married family. Recently, I've developed feelings for my sister-in-law. When I see her, I have to restrain myself from making any advances towards her. I don't do it because I'm afraid she'll say something to my brother. For the last few months, she's been acting strange. I recently accused her of having an affair with one of her co-workers. All the warning signs were there. She has a separate bank account from my brother's. She's been working longer hours, and lately she's not been at home when she's supposed to be. The clues all added up. One day, I cornered my sister-in-law in the corner of my parents' garage and confronted her. She denied everything. I told her that I would no longer babysit for her. My thoughts in saying that were that it would make her cheating more complicated if I wasn't there to babysit for her at a moment's notice. I also said that if she was cheating on my brother, I would no longer think of her as a sister-in-law and a friend. I told her that I was shutting her out of my life permanently. She was shocked. She couldn't believe that I was accusing her of such a thing and calling her a liar. I couldn't tell if she was telling me the truth or just lying to save her own ass. She broke down crying and told me that I'm the only person in my family that she could trust and talk to. She swore to me that she wasn't cheating on my brother. She later confessed that my brother had pushed her really hard in front of their son after an argument about the house not being clean enough. She said that was the reason she was acting so cold lately. She told me that she didn't tell me this because she knew that I would be angry towards my brother and she feared that I would confront him. We both cried several times. I held her in my arms, stroking her hair and shoulders. While doing this, I wanted to kiss her. I felt really close to her at that moment. I wiped away her tears and cradled her face in the palms of my hands. I told her that I cared about her very much and that she really is a special part of my family. I don't know if she was telling me the truth or not about the cheating accusations I made towards her. If she does cheat on my brother, I wish that she would keep it in the family and cheat with me. I really want her bad. I love my brother and never ever want to hurt him, but I love my sister-in-law more.

— Benton, 36