The Kinkiest Thing I've Done

We were on our return trip from a theater conference. It was late evening, the night was dark, and the road was long. I was dressed in a casual golf shirt and shorts. My wife was asleep in the passenger seat and five women actresses were in the back. Some were texting; some were sleeping. Pheromones must have been in the air because I was very excited. I slowly exposed myself, and then carefully and quietly self-pleasured. I made a mess of my leg and the inside of the van door. We had to ride nearly an hour before I could stop for gas and clean up the mess. When my wife awoke, I used the excuse that I spilled my coffee on the door. The rest of the way home, I heard peculiar whimper sounds coming from the women in the back seats. I really think that my wife slept through a terrific time!

— Max, 63