Wife's Black Cat

A few years after my wife and I were first married, she wanted a cat and I didn't. A little later, my wife wanted to dress up as a witch for Halloween and complained that she needed a black cat to complete her costume. I told her that she could dress me up as her black cat for Halloween, but we were not going to buy a real cat with the litter box, cat food, vet bills, time commitments, etc. that came with owning and caring for one. Oh, boy; big mistake. My wife said okay, but insisted on a "dress rehearsal" the weekend before Halloween. She had me wearing her black panty girdle to smooth my front, black tights, and a borrowed black leotard that had long sleeves and zipped up the back to a short turtleneck. She had me wear matching black socks on my feet and my hands and rolled the leotard sleeves over the socks. She then used black electrical tape around the sleeve ends hold the socks in place. I wore a black cotton ski hood to cover all of my head, except my face. She secured cat ears (cardboard & black electric tape) on the hood, and then sewed a long tail to the leotard bottom. She made up my face with various stuff including black mascara to lengthen and darken my eyelashes, long fake cat whiskers, a pink "kitty-cat" nose, and pink lips. After she had me looking like a cat, I then had to behave like a cat — meowing and no talking like a human. She taught me various meows for various English words like yes, no, pet-me, scratch-my-belly, and food. For food that day, she mixed tuna fish with mayonnaise and served it to me on a saucer placed on the floor. She put milk for me in a shallow bowl. She took lots of pictures of her black cat doing the various things cats do, like eating from a saucer on the floor. After several hours of being a cat, I had had enough. She asked me if I wanted her to take me around to the neighbors on a leash, or did I want to let her get a real black cat for Halloween. I meowed for the latter, and we got a real black cat the very next day. She named the cat "Jake Junior" or JJ for short.

— Jake, 35