Bi With A Twist

My life changed when I was four years old. My mom died. My five brothers and my dad had to move on. We never talked about my mom's death. When I hit puberty, I realized that not only was I extremely attracted to women, but for some reason the idea of an older man seducing me was forever burned into my fate. I think my dad took the place of my mom on the nurturing side and somehow I got screwed up. I am married now at thirty-three. I have a beautiful, young daughter. I recently decided to try sex with another man. Frankly, I made the decision to do it simply because I couldn't take it anymore. I met up with an older guy in his mid-sixties. I was scared but determined to find out what the experience would be like. I just laid there while he seduced me. I didn't move or speak. When we were done, I immediately felt guilty. I am trying to understand my feelings about this, but I am very confused and anxious. I don't want to tell my wife because I know that ultimately it would cause more problems than dealing with this internally. I have no desire to do this again since, at least on some level, it has cured my curiosity. I feel really guilty and am looking for an outlet.

— Terrell, 33