Reckless Retribution

A while ago, I was in a bar fight where my nose was broken. In an act of vengeance, I seduced and impregnated the guy's wife. Now the guy is raising my child and doesn't even know the kid is mine! Here's what happened. I was visiting a small town where I have relatives. It's what I'd call a boring little hick town except the fools that live there don't know that it's boring or hickish. To have some fun, I went to the local bar where there was dancing. It was pretty clear that the ladies knew a fresh piece of meat was in town because they flocked to me like taxicabs to the airport. None of the wrangler-wearing cowboy wannabes were man enough to get on the dance floor, so I had many of the chicks to myself. We were all having a good time. One thing led to another, and some hick broke my nose in the resulting fight. Maybe he was jealous. Fast-forward a period of time and the resulting plastic surgery had made my face even more handsome than before. That should be justice enough, my friends say. In the meantime, I had my cousins in the town find out who the guy in the fight was. Of course, he didn't know me other than I was some dude he had fought. Nowadays, he probably couldn't pick me out of a line-up. What he also didn't know was that he messed with the wrong guy. I found out everything about him. I learned where he lived, what he did, etc. I had always concocted plans for some sort of retribution, and it was easy to keep tabs on the jerk through my cousins who knew everything that happened in town. My plan ended up working out better than I thought. I later found out that he had gotten himself a woman that was pretty nice looking. Occasionally when I'd visit town, I'd try to find out other things about him and her. Later on, while again visiting relatives, I was hanging out in a bar when she walked in with some girlfriends but not her man. It may have been the beers, but I must admit that she was looking pretty hot. I don't know if she always looks that good, but she was definitely happy to be out on the town that night. Throughout the evening, we exchanged glances. By the time I had a couple of beers, I was chatting up her and her girlfriends. I don't know if she was reliving a bachelorette party or what, but she sure was behaving like she was. We hit it off quite nicely. The beers were affecting me and my judgment. I should have thought about getting my nose broken again, but instead I was thinking that a sweet revenge would be to bed that jerk's woman. Anyway, we ended up getting kind of silly and then left the bar together. One thing led to another, and we finished up the night with sex in the parking lot. So, anyway, it's been a while since I've visited my relatives. I just got back from that little hicksville this weekend, and guess what? That jerk's old lady had my baby. Yep, that poor son-of-a-gun doesn't know he's raising MY child! The timing is exactly right. The kid's the right age. My cousins and I have done all of the math, and it all adds up that the kid is mine! With a little clandestine maneuvering, we waited until they left their place and followed them. We ended up seeing them walking the kid around. I was able to get a really good look at the little pumpkin without them even knowing. The kid looks more like me than him! I wonder if she ever told him or whether she just let him believe it was his. Too bad for that poor jerk, but it serves him and his woman right. Here's the clincher, we checked the county records because my cousin has a friend who works at the county, and she gave birth almost exactly nine months after our tryst. I don't feel one bit sorry for that stupid jerk. I've gotten the best revenge ever, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

— Kenny, 26