Let me be your Guardian

I don't get many girlfriends, which leads me to believe that I am ugly. I do not have many friends, which leads me to believe people don't like me. She and I were really good friends, best friends for a while. I would help her with her boyfriend problems every time one came up. I would help her smile every time she was down. I would go to her sporting events to watch her. I think about her constantly. I dream about her all of the time, and I always daydream about her. I use her as a source of motivation. For example, if I'm playing football and I need to make a play, I think of her. Or, if I'm taking a test that I need to pass, I think of her. I do this all of the time. We were friends back when she was shy and not very popular. Now she is very popular and rarely talks to me. She said she had another guy that takes care of her, but she acts like it's nothing. She says she's sad yet says it's nothing. She says she's scared and says it's nothing. People say she is nothing. I guess nothing to them is everything for me. I love her so much. I want her to talk to me again before I have to move. Her smile is the best thing in the world when I know she isn't sad but that she is happy. It may not seem like much, but it means everything to me! I also want her safe. I will not let her be harmed! I would stab myself in the gut before I let her take a paper cut. I would risk my life not only for hers, but simply for her safety and happiness. She is never actually single. Either she always has a boyfriend, or she likes a guy a lot who she always ends up going out with. But is that what I really want? Do I want to be her boyfriend where we make love only to later break up and not like each other anymore? I don't know if she would even go out with me. I feel that people think I'm ugly and weird. If she didn't think so, I wouldn't care about anyone else. So, what is it that I want with her? I do not know. All I know is that I love her from of the depths of my heart. I am scared to tell her because I don't know how she would react. If she does think I'm ugly or weird, I would hate for her to know that someone ugly and weird loves her and dreams about her. Then what if she just acted like she accepted it, but she really didn't? Then again, I really want her to know how I feel. I'm just not sure what I should do.

— Travis, 18