Are You Trying Too Hard or Not Hard Enough?
Men, here's the good news: Women do want your love and affection. The bad news: We're damn picky about the specifics. Not enough of that love and affection and we get peeved and look elsewhere. Too much and we're annoyed and bored.
What we really want is a balance - to feel both taken care of and yet still independent. Here's what you need to know to master the right ratio.
You're trying too hard if...you use any pickup line other than "hi."
You're not trying hard enough if...you just stand there.
The key is to be interested and friendly without seeming desperate. Be confident - we want you to hit on us, otherwise we wouldn't dress like we do! - but not cocky. Avoid the impulse to impress us with your resume.
The First Date
You're trying too hard if...you made more than two reservations.
You're not trying hard enough if...you show up without a plan.
Some men make the mistake of going all out on a first date. But unless you're used to the luxe life, that leaves you uncomfortable and out of your element right when you need to be smack in the middle of it the most. Go somewhere you know, where the people know you (unless it's a strip club), and you'll make a better impression.
In the Bedroom
You're trying too hard if...your sex could be its own act in the circus.
You're not trying hard enough if...your sex belongs in a 1950s sitcom.
While a night of mind-blowing passion will require more moves than just the standard missionary position, few women want to contort themselves into every position in your repertoire in one night.
Around the House
You're trying too hard if...you're her butler.
You're not trying hard enough if...you're barely her boyfriend.
We do love good manners. But being too attentive - ordering dinner for us, sprinting to beat us to opening a door, schlepping across town in the rain to get the "right" latte - is actually kind of annoying. It's tricky, I know, because you want to please us, and we will take advantage of your kindness...right before we dump you because of it.
With the Folks
You're trying too hard if...you take her to mom and dad by the third date.
You're not trying hard enough if...she thinks you're an orphan.
It's good to talk about your family during the first few dates. It helps us get to know you. But it's scary when you reveal you've told your mom about us or invite us to go home with you before we're in an established, exclusive relationship.
In Your Relationship
You're trying too hard if...you insist on our getting new tires, an oil change and a brake check on our old, reliable car.
You're not trying hard enough if...you sit in the car while we change the flat.
Be kind without being patronizing. We love when you're thoughtful, but we did manage to live without you once. And if you don't stop doing every little thing for us, we will again soon.
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