The Sex Women Don't Want

Don't fool yourself. Women love sex as much as men do. But if you're having sex with a woman, and manage to anger or annoy her, there's a chance she won't be so willing to do it again in the future. Ninety-nine percent of all women just don't dig certain things in bed. For the ultimate list of bedroom no-no's, read on:

  • Women enjoy a soft blowing into their ears or a nibble on their earlobes, but no woman wants to feel like a slobbery German shepherd is giving her a kiss hello. Use only the tip of your tongue on her ears.
  • Women want to know you're enjoying yourself, but be careful what you scream out in the heat of the moment. To you, "Oh Momma," may be a compliment. To her, it may be a sign you need years of therapy.
  • Kudos to those who blend the carnal pleasures of sex and food. Just be sure you don't hog all the chocolate covered strawberries for yourself, or act like they taste better than she does.
  • Hands off the belly button! If there's one sacred place on a woman's body, that's it. Touch it and you'll aggravate her annoyance g-spot.
  • Women don't want to help you relive sex with your ex. So don't take her to the same hotel and expect the same treatment.
  • Women love television too. They just don't like to have it on while having sex. You know you love to control the remote control. So use your power. Turn it off!
  • Having sex in a private room at a party can be a real adrenaline rush. But if she says no once, don't keep asking. She may want to party with her friends. You can have a private party later.
  • Don't make a woman kiss your feet. In fact, don't even ask her to touch them. She'll do it on her accord, in her own sweet time. After all, when was the last time you got a pedicure?
  • Women hate to feel sex is all quid-pro-quo. Just because you perform oral sex on her doesn't mean she should drop down and do you the same favor. Don't imply you're keeping a mental track sheet of who does what to whom.

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Try These Pickup Lines

  • Excuse me, miss. You dropped something: the conversation.
  • Wanna see some pictures of my kids?
  • You're so sweet, you give me a toothache.
  • Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl in This Room," and the grand prize is a night with me!
  • At the laundromat, "How much bleach should I put in with my good suit?"