6 Genius Things to Say to a Woman

We don't often turn to Homer Simpson for relationship advice, but occasionally he's right on the mark. "When it comes to compliments," he's said, "women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters, always wanting more...more...more! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return."

Try one of these painless phrases the next time you need to feed her inner beast.

'How Was Your Day?'

You hit all the major points here. You look interested in her daily routine (and every meaningless minor drama, which you will no doubt hear in great detail) and you come off as the understanding confidant allowing her to vent her problems...especially since you'll be taking care to avoid the classic male mistake of trying to solve them for her.

'You're Great in Bed'

In one smooth compliment you assure her of her sex appeal whether you've been together two weeks ("Whoo-hoo! He thinks I'm hot!") or two years ("Whoo-hoo! He still thinks I'm hot!"). You'll make her feel like a man-slaying sex goddess - and when she's feeling that good about herself she'll probably share those hot-tamale talents with you more often.

'Do You Need Anything?'

We're not talking mundane, "rotate the tires on the car" favors here. In the words of Alec Baldwin's character in the movie "Outside Providence": "Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain't over until you both get your cookies." Making sure she's satisfied won't win you extra points, but not doing it will cost you the game.

'Could You Help Me?'

Women are nurturers by nature, so she's genetically programmed to want to take care of you. And she's flattered when you respect her enough to ask her advice on how to ask for a raise or what color to paint the living room. Plus, women are suckers for guys who are man enough to admit when they need a hand.

'How Do You Feel About...'

Pick anything, it won't matter. Clich├ęd, yes, but most women do love to talk about their feelings. And you're going to be the compassionate, sensitive man who asks about them.

'I Love How You...'

Surprised to see that "I love you" didn't show up here? Here's why - it's just not enough. Sure, it's nice that you love her, but it's a little generic. What she really wants is to hear how indispensable she is to your life. She wants to feel unique...and that she is uniquely appreciated by you. Confess your affection for the way she wiggles her feet when she's happy or the way she crinkles her nose when she laughs.

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Try These Pickup Lines

  • I'll marry you tomorrow, but let's honeymoon tonight.
  • Baby, you remind me of a parking ticket because you have "fine" written all over your face.
  • Wanna come over to my place and play poker?
  • Do you go out with ex-cons?
  • I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?