Where Not to Pick Up a Woman

Obviously, family reunions and funerals are not fertile grounds for finding a date. But neither are these seemingly innocent settings. Even armed with your best smile and a foolproof line, you'll never win her over...

...When She's at the Gym

Okay, so you can make a scientific case that exercise is an aphrodisiac. But that does not mean she wants to be chatted up while she's chugging through her 30 minutes on the stair climber. She looks frumpy in her sweats, suspects that she smells (and will surely notice if you do) and just knows that her hair is plastered to her forehead in a very unattractive way. Tell us again how the gym is sexy?

...When She's Out With the Girls

It sure looks tempting - all those hot chicks, all together, all at once - but beware this trap. That is, unless you enjoy being part of a group that is designed to encourage rampant gossip, complain bitterly about men and make inside jokes at your expense. You won't get her number...but you'll probably walk away with a supremely embarrassing nickname.

...When She's Working

If it's a service job - yes, that includes strippers - she probably gets hit on more times than a prizefighter. It's her job to be nice to you (or give you the lap dance)...it doesn't mean she wants to go home with you. In general, she finds it just plain uncomfortable to field unwanted advances during office time - especially if your interest could put her job on the line.

...When She's Shopping

Maybe some women do find it charming when you hold up that pineapple in the produce aisle and ask her advice for finding a perfectly ripe fruit. But the women we polled said - almost universally - that their thought process during a grocery store pickup goes something like this: "Ohmigod, does he see that box of super-absorbent tampons in my cart? And all those diet microwaveable dinners? Oh, jeez, and litter for multiple cats? This is horrifying! Get me out of here!!"

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Try These Pickup Lines

  • If you were a phaser, you'd be set on "stunning."
  • I'll marry you tomorrow, but let's honeymoon tonight.
  • I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no." );
  • Excuse me. I've forgotten how to take off my pants. Do you think you can help?
  • Wanna see some pictures of my kids?