"It's Not You; It's Me"
When you and your sweetie sit down to talk and you get the "It's not you; it's me" line, does it help? Not really - not in the long run. For a few minutes, you might believe that it's her, not you. Then you start thinking.... Unfortunately, the truth is always more complicated.
It's Not Working
What that line really means is that for your partner, the relationship isn't working. Why? Could be a number of problems. Could be that you two just aren't able to communicate in a way that helps a close relationship grow. Could be that your personalities are very different and there's some kind of wall between you. Could be the practical aspects of your lives - job stress, her kids, your kids, living far apart, mismatched work schedules - are getting in the way of growing closer. If you want to learn from the experience, maybe a little reflection could help you understand what went wrong.
It could really be her. Maybe she has trouble opening up and getting close to someone. Maybe she can't overlook any guy's personal quirks and flaws, so she just keeps serial dating. Could be that she doesn't feel thrilled by being with you and isn't enjoying the intimate aspects of your relationship. Could be that she's shallow and wants someone better looking who makes more money. If it's really her, there's not much you can do about it but move on and vow to make better choices.
It could also be you. Maybe you haven't communicated with her very well. Maybe you haven't shown enough thoughtfulness and caring. Could be that you're not emotionally available because you're afraid of being hurt. Maybe she feels your indecision and lack of excitement about the relationship. Could be she's cutting her losses to protect herself. If you suspect that it is you, some self-examination might be in order. Perhaps there are ways you could improve as a partner so that you do better next time.
It's You Two Together
When you have that talk, the line "It's not you; it's me" is just distracting you from the common fact about all breakups. As a couple, you're a mismatch right now. Could be your personalities don't mesh well enough. Or the chemistry or the timing is simply off. That hurts, but it's the truth. Look at it as an opportunity to learn from the experience and find someone better suited to you.
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