Her Top Turn-Ons Are...

Want to know what drives a woman wild? It's not cologne.

Humor. Anyone can recite a joke that landed in his or her in-box. Women really go for guys who are capable of making off-the-cuff, witty retorts. Watch a bunch of "Seinfeld" reruns and master the art of spontaneous humor.

Style. This doesn't mean that you have to spend a lot of money on your wardrobe or that you need to start shopping at the Gap. Just develop a unique style. The point is this - if you're ever standing in a headless lineup, someone should be able to identify you.

Smarts. Women want men who can share knowledge and be open minded enough to learn a thing or two. She doesn't want all your knowledge to come from Maxim. She wants to be able to tell her girlfriends, "He's really into ______. He has a ton of books about it."

Fascination. Women want to think a man is totally smitten with them. Instead of drowning her with compliments, show her you're all ears and fascinated with everything she has to say.

Act healthy. You don't have to be in your ideal weight range, but don't stuff your face with fried cheese curds right in front of her. No one likes a heart attack waiting to happen.

The above will help you attract a woman. But what turns her on after you're already dating?

Her favorite music. Invite her over to your place. By the time you open the door, her favorite music, even if it makes you grind your teeth, should already be playing. If you haven't already discussed her favorite tunes, snoop through her CD rack.

Chocolate-covered strawberries. They say so much - you're sexy, you're sweet, and I want to feed them to you. Plus, chocolate is an aphrodisiac.

Massages. Ask first, she may not want you to invade her personal space. If you suck at giving a massage, and many do, give her a gift certificate for a massage. Then meet her afterward. Have a professional do the grunt work, but reap all of the benefits.

Hand holding. It's simple, it's cheap, it can be done anywhere, it takes no skill, and it lets her know you're proud to be seen with her.

Couple activities. Sadly, this doesn't mean drinking together at a bar. You must think of activities that the two of you can do together and that will help you spend some quality couple time. Hopefully, this doesn't involve analyzing your relationship. Try ballroom dancing, canoeing, playing backgammon, or fencing.

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Try These Pickup Lines

  • Excuse me, miss. You dropped something: the conversation.
  • I've seen you at the grocery store, baby; you're always in the same isles as the sugar, 'cause you're so sweet.
  • Can I call you 'cotton candy'? You feel like cotton, and you taste like candy.
  • Are you an angel, or are you just here for sex?
  • Damn, that skirt is working. What time does it get off?