Wary of Getting Burned Again

It can be hard to put yourself out there for dating when you've been burned in relationships more than once. But the knee-jerk reaction that makes you shy away from dating doesn't really make sense if you consider it logically.

Think about all the people you come across in your life who could become your friends. But they don't all become your friends. Does that mean you're a bad friend or you've got a problem with friendships? No! It simply means you're not the best match. Maybe your personalities are different. Maybe your interests are different. Maybe it's just awkward trying to talk to each other, but it's no one's fault. You're just a mismatch.

Would you beat yourself up emotionally because a friendship didn't bloom or because it fizzled after a while? Probably not. Yet some guys blame themselves when a series of relationships don't turn out the way they want.

What's the alternative? Be open and brave, be yourself and have fun!

There are a few approaches you can take to make the comeback easier.

Recognize where there's room for improvement. Think about one or two things you could have done differently in your recent relationship and try to work on those. But don't mentally make a long list of flaws that make you undateable or unloveable.

Identify her flaws. The woman you most recently dated had some room for improvement too, or else she would have known how great you are, right? Think about a few of the reasons she wasn't a good fit for you, and chalk it up to a mismatch.

Focus on your strengths. Moving forward, identify some of your greatest strengths. Ask friends or family to help if you have trouble seeing your own potential. As you approach a potential date or begin a new relationship, remind yourself of what you have to offer to this new woman. Feel confident, or talk yourself into temporary confidence until you really are.

Please yourself. For starters, don't get caught up in trying to please the woman who could potentially be your partner. Identify what characteristics will please you, and try to find a woman whose traits match up pretty well.

Have fun! A relationship is always work, but it should be fun too. If it's not, the work isn't worth it. So if the relationship doesn't bring you joy, then move on and chalk it up to incompatibility, not your own shortcomings. Seek out a woman who smiles when you walk in the room and who gives you a thrill when you see her.

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