Dump That Baggage
If you've had a bad breakup, like most people have, you're probably carrying around some baggage. Maybe she told you exactly what she didn't like about you. Maybe you behaved badly. Maybe you know what you did wrong and are beating yourself up about it.
Whatever you two said and did, you need to get over it and move on. Easy to say, right? But that can be very hard to do.
Break It Down
When life overwhelms you in whatever way, sometimes it helps to write down what the problems are. It certainly helps to write down what steps you need take to gain control and feel good again. So if you're feeling less than adequate based on what went down at the end of a relationship, write down the pros and cons. What did you do well in the relationship? What are you not so proud of? Now, think about who you are going forward. What are the strengths that you will bring to future relationships? What are your weaknesses? What action can you take to maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses? What new strengths do you want to cultivate?
Face the Memories
Now that you've reminded yourself of some of your strengths, you can better deal with those hidden scars. You're most likely carrying around some negative messages that your ex-girlfriend shared with you. If you're up for it, try writing them down too. Now write next to each one what part is true and what part is not. Then write down what you can do to improve on this trait, if you think it's needed. The key is what you think, not what she thought. Finally, write down at least as many positive things she said about you, things you did, or things you know she appreciated about you in the relationship.
Think It Over
Writing all these negatives and positives down can help you deal with the emotions in a more rational way. Think about the truths and the exaggerations in those messages. Why did she say some of those things? Was she hurt and trying to hurt you back? Nobody is all bad or all good. And you can only become a better person if you consciously choose to do so. We all tend to carry these negative messages from other people. Why don't we remember the positive ones more? Who knows? But you need to try.
Find Someone Better
Just as you probably made some mistakes in the relationship, so did she. Forgive her and forgive yourself. When you find yourself saying, "she was right, I'm not good at X." Remind yourself just what you are good at. Remind yourself of 10 things you've done since then that people really appreciate about you. Keep focusing on the positive qualities you have to offer, and you'll eventually attract someone who's more compatible with you and can appreciate your awesome heart.
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