When Bad Sex Happens to Good Dates
When a promising relationship has so much going for it - great conversation, shared sense of humor, same love of kung-fu movies, whatever - it seems doubly disappointing when the lovemaking is lackluster.
Before you bemoan the lack of chemistry or your crush's limited bedroom prowess, take comfort in knowing that your lousy lay could have more to do with one of these factors than with your potential as a couple.
Too Much Pressure
Yes, your first time is significant. But maybe the sexy CD, satin sheets, chilled champagne, six-course meal, and scented candles are a tad much. Overdoing the drama gives the impression that the night is too significant and that your expectations for an impressive performance are too high. And anxiety is no friend to the libido.
Overdoing the Liquid Courage
A glass of wine or two may calm your jitters and set the mood, but too much of the vino depresses the nervous system, resulting in fatigue, inability to perform, or a sloppy technique.
Crisis of Confidence
It's not at all strange to feel shy in the sack considering that our carnal culture is constantly telling us that only the buff and brazen have smoldering sex appeal. But you'll have a much better time in bed if you can leave your insecurity issues scrapped in the corner along with your clothes. Once you stop thinking about whether your tummy is jiggling or if you're making weird noises, you'll be able to focus on all the fabulous sensations your body is capable of feeling...and giving.
Prescription for Frustration
The experts estimate that more than 150 over-the-counter, prescription, and illegal drugs may impair sexual function. And these are often the kind of pills you don't think twice about swallowing - birth control, antihistamines, antibiotics, and antidepressants. Ask your doctor about your medicine's sexual side effects and look into the alternatives.
Too Timid to Talk
It can be hard to speak up in bed with a new partner. You want to spare his or her feelings, but at the same time you can't stand to have that particular move revisited on your body ever, ever again. But no matter how connected you are as a couple, or how perceptive your date is, he or she is not a mind reader. Find ways - maybe moving his hand, or focusing on what she's doing right - to get the message across.
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