Escaping the Controlling Woman

"You're whipped!" "Is she going to let you go out tonight? What will you have to do to make it up to her?" "She's sure got you on a short leash, buddy."

If you're regularly getting this type of abuse from your friends, you might need a wakeup call. Think about how you and your girl interact.

Are you afraid to hang out with friends because your girl won't approve? Are you nervous about chatting with your sexy coworker at the office party because your sweetie might accuse you of a hookup?

When you feel uncomfortable about the compromises you're making to satisfy your girl, you might need to step back and analyze the power dynamic in your relationship.

Do You Have an Opinion?
If you find yourself increasingly keeping your opinions to yourself, why is that the case? Do these phrases sound familiar? "Of course you would think that, you don't know anything about . . ." (women, having a relationship, raising children, being a good partner). "Men! Why do you even try to choose a movie? You're just led by your testosterone." "Here, let me pick your clothes for the party. I don't want to be embarrassed by your lack of taste." These are danger signs of a controlling woman.

Do You Command Respect?
Does she also have a strong need to be right all the time? Does she constantly point out your mistakes and weaknesses? "You got the wrong kind of bread again?" Does she point out flaws with your friends and then throw it in your face when they do something wrong? "No wonder his girlfriend broke up with him; he's a slob!" Does she make you feel guilty for staying close with your family because they aren't her biggest fans? "Why do you even talk to your brother? He's always so rude to me!"

What's the Problem?
If she doesn't make an effort to understand and respect your choices, then she's not appreciating who you are and what you bring to the relationship. How did that happen? Did you make some mistake early on that she continues to throw in your face? Do you let her make you feel guilty for that and more? You need to make some changes!

Who's to Blame?
If you find yourself sheepishly admitting that you're afraid to have an opinion and that she always seems to be right, then you also need to admit that you contributed to the situation. You let her gain power as you gave up being assertive. Man up and do something about it!

How Do You Fix It?
To short-circuit your girl's controlling impulses, you'll need to stand firm. Tell her you won't participate in extended debates anymore, and stick to it. State your opinion and then shut up and move on to another topic or task. If she continues to nag at you, tell her that you don't want to spend time with someone who is so argumentative. Make plans for yourself with friends and for you as a couple. Tell her when decisions are important to you. If she can't handle your new assertive personality, you might decide that you need a couples therapist or maybe even need to kick her to the curb. Once you realize that being alone is better than being with her, you'll be fine. Then you'll be in a better position to attract a hot woman who deserves you!

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