Sunshine

No matter what the weatherman had predicted,
it had been a week,
a full 7 days of overcast, rain, gloom, and cold...
...And likewise, how my body ached...
But most of all, my heart ached,
so deeply... to the very tips of my weary limbs,
it seemed,
til I was sure nothing that day,
could possibly lift them...

And then I unexpectedly saw you.

Just for a moment.
Just a glimpse as you passed by...
(absorbed in thought, )
(once again scarce, or not at all even noticing me sitting there as you passed... )
(although, then again, why would you...)

-And suddenly I was bathed,
completely enveloped,
in warm, brilliant, bless-ed sunlight!
-Too, my weary limbs, suddenly contained
a new almost inexplicable, strength... no,
better put... vitality, than they had had
only the mere instant before... while as if bourne by some buoyant reflex,
springing upward from somewhere within me
a heartfelt smile involuntarily leapt to my lips...
and my heart, and oh my now near weightless heart,
in the brief, joyous lifetime of that sweet moment...

now happily throbbed lighter than air,
and so wonderfully filled with such pleasant, warming,
guileless, unfamiliar and blissful...
pure natural happiness.

-Oh if you only knew! -the amazingly amazing...
the profoundly profound...
the calming thrill and the invigorating serenity
the sweet, wondrous, unfathomable effect,
that your passing by,
that just your mere presence... has upon me,
and reeling in this sweetly, awesome delirium,
my senses... -!
To quote Juliet on a distant balcony,
Ah me...

***
But,
You will never be mine, this I know.
And given no other choice, even... accept.
And I, I will never be officially, yours.
This I know.
Nor could I ever even attempt to give you so much
as one single moment of distress or unhappiness
even if meant in some attempt at salvation,
for my aching, long suffering heart,
or promise of such ecstacy as the impossibility of your company.


Not to mention that by now,
you've probably even, already, given your heart to another...
-To put it plainly,
you're just too wonderful to remain unattached for long.
..and lucky others of my gender... are not all hapless fools like me...

...But, in complete truth, that's not to say
that all thoughts of you are sunny days either.
For sometimes after all the carefree happiness that thought or sight of you can bring,
sometimes then, in my heart comes the bittersweet pain of what will never be,
and then the tears... the rain...

-But then on sunny days,
that's how rainbows are formed... is it not?

-And so, with that said, here's the rainbow in this:

In a world full of thoughtless uncaring people,
in a world full of those who should care and treat you kindly but that can think only of themselves,
a world full of too often shut doors...
unfeeling faces... selfish desires,
and sometimes warmthless,
unwelcome fires,
and a world so cold that sometimes it chills my tired, aching heart to its very marrow and core,

Thank you for coming into my life,
and albeit the pain, even for making me care so for you.
..your kind eye, your tender smile, your soft touch...
and all the simple, natural goodness,
that simply is you...
for unknown years and long times to come,
will continue, my dear, to be,
the ever warming sunshine in my heart.

(-Yet finally,
in closing here, and perhaps for closure's sake...
just once,
let me here say the words I can never say to you,
"Thank you. I love you.")

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