Destroyed by you, by me
Once again shes in my view
And once again I feel like this
My heart begins to hurt
My stomach begins to tighten
My mind thinks thoughts of hate
Hatred towards my self though
Because I dont blame people
I blame only myself
I know Im just not good enough
I know shes just too special to be mine
I try to take comfort in knowing at least shell be happy
I try to pretend like this love for her is something fake
But the pain is unbearably convincing that its not
That no matter how much I hate myself
Or no matter how much I think of her happiness
And most especially no matter how much I write about it
Ill always feel empty, worthless, and a no body
Because evidently thats what I am
After all, she must think so
And I love her so much how can she be wrong?
And even as quickly as she became the source of my will to live
Just as quickly did she become the source of my lack of will to live
But like I said its still all my fault, I can admit it at least
I admit that I have become this terrible wretch because of my weakness
Id trade my life for just one day to know what it feels like
To just be loved by her, to the level that I have shown unto her
But its ok love, it was never your wrong doing, just be glad Im out of your life
Because knowing you has become my depression
And as I try to erase all memory and existence of you
I come to realize that I dont want to
Even though I know this will eventually be my downfall
My very heart itself seems bound to you
Like a fishing line stuck of a reef
Im trying to break free, but I just dont see it happening
I might as well cut the line and abandon my heart down there
Because my heart ceases to have a purpose in life
If it cannot express its love for you, and you accept it
The story is ending as quickly as it began
I fell in a love with a girl, and thats where it ends.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.