Young alley boy, Patritius, pleads to the spirits for the sake of a Sir Edmund, the Gay

when sir edmund blows diamonds
they get spoilt in debutante french braids
so that smaller debutante slaves
have to clean diamond out for days!

but poor sir edmund fears the telling of
these royal affairs that he abhors
whilst other men fear edmund's dried shrimp cake
found affixed to their daughter’s drawers

why, strange edmund, in all of your charades
have you taken mirth, in these lowly human ways?
Such as when drunk, you tempt the poor alley boys
Whose mouths foam for your diamond displays

but poor master edmund why must you
head to bed in such despairing?
aren't all your precious diamonds safe still
in what you're underwearing?

and even if you threw
your diamond splendor deep to earth's abyss
or just gave it to the debutantes
that you won't surely miss

sir edmund best you remember
diamonds come best from dirt below
its what keeps the tightest press
on the lump where diamonds grow

so call back upon the alley boys
since they’re quite taken to charades
but take mirth in what a diamonds worth
and blow them diamond all your days

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