Sixteen

Foolishly I had tried to justify loving the wrong men.
Here I am again, writing sonnets and limericks to those who don’t deserve them.
I have spent my time fawning over them, they didn’t deserve me.
I’m a dreamer; I have loved the same man since I was sixteen.
I have seen him before he was thought up and tried to find him in others.
I wanted to be a mother.
Fantasize about a lover and hide away when everyone’s looking.
Something was lurking through the passion and frustration.
He was always standing there.
I believed in him and I needed him to be real.
I saw him regardless of all the pain and turmoil and illness.
He would love me.
Push it all aside and brighten my life.
Never complete me but accept me as a whole person.
I am walking on a sea and he is my current.
With everything that’s against me.
He is the only one who could ever see a flaw as the most beautiful thing in his world.
I have been angry.
Biting my lip over unruly lovers and crying because this man has taken what felt like forever to find me.
I have been objectified through my justification of moments that are nothing than a man filling a void for less than five seconds.
Trying not to be bitter.
He has sweetened me.
Made warmth from misery.
I’d be his everything before he knew what everything was.
I am that same girl.
I’m drinking my pink lemonade on the sidelines.
Thinking about him at age sixteen.
He’d appear when my world came down.
He’d tell me I’m beautiful when I don’t even hear the word.
I’ve been in love with the same man since I was sixteen.
That man is you.

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