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you ve taught me alot about love, and alot about life.
last nite i did something i would never normally do.
i dont know why i did it.
it was dumb and i admit it.
i dont know why i do these things sometimes.
i guess i just want to get rid of my bad past times.
living here isnt normal, and you know it too.
at least you dont sit around all day and drink boos.
your a good mom, and your strong.
unlike my dad, he did alot of things wrong.
i respect you for who you are and much much more.
you dont have any idea, not even one in this world.
sometimes i still lay in bed and think why do you do this just for us.
i mean we dont do anything for you except yell and make a fuss.
i have alot of stuff built up inside me and really cant get it out.
i guess i just laugh, and do bad things to block it out.
the only thing that really makes me happy is being with friends.
just to get away from all the bad home trends.
not that i hate you guys or anything.
its just not the perfect enviroment for anyone to be living in.
it just makes me mad that we have to go through this for my dads unresponsible choices.
now im listening to all the wrong voices.
i mean we could be living a great life if it wasnt for his mistakes.
i just wish i could give you a break.
i know you loved him and he loved you too.
i just dont know why he did/does this to you.
your probably the most responsible person i know.
you dont ever tell us how hard it is you just get up and go.
i envy you, and sad to say i hate you sometimes too.
but i know your just looking out for me and dont want me to end up like some people do.
thats what gets me everytime, i dont think its bad.
i really just want to do everything good and not make you mad.
its hard for me right now, believe it or not.
i do know what i have and i appreciate it alot.
most parents dont listen to their kids at all.
they just think we are like a toy doll.
i think that might be why im doing bad things lately.
maybe you just didnt have the time of day to sit down and update me.
i just need attention, love, and affection.
its hard for you because you work like your turbo injected.
i feel sorry for you, and wish you didnt end up like this.
you didnt do a thing to deserve this, not one, not even a bit.
or even a kid that doesnt understand how life is supposed to fit.
what im really trying to say, is that im really and truly sorry.
i dont know why i did it and will never forgive myself for getting in that car.
i promise, we didnt go far.
it was more like just talking and looking at the stars.
i know ill never make that mistake again.
for now i dont get to see one of my very best friends.
that hurts me inside, especially to see what shes going through.
you have no idea what they did to her, or what her dad is doing to her now.
i wish i could tell you, but that would be wrong.
she told me not to tell a soul, or she would be long gone.
i feel like dowry is my sister, i can tell her anything.
things i cant tell stephanie, i guess its just a connecting thing.
please forgive me, and punish me too.
i feel really bad about myself and even for you.
just please dont take dowry away from me.
thats the one thing im dying to see.