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Scattered leaves
That was how I saw my life
Like scattered leaves strewn across some fantastic canvas
Lost, seperated alone.

It was fall when I first drifted off
A young girl in search of my own.
I didn't know you till the spring
When the park owned that intoxicating scent
You used to seduce me with, my love.

There was no one quite like you.
No one quite so addicting.
Your touch left it's print on me
And I could never forget it.
And everywhere I went, I could smell your scent.
You marked me this way, my love

One time I cried while lying in your arms.
You looked at me coldly and told me to stop.
I obeyed graciously, knowing better.
For I too was afraid of why I cried.
It wasn't over some other man.
I felt as if my life was bubbling over.
Perhaps it was the pain of you though I would never admit it.

For I knew at once as you looked at me
That I would never be her
Never be the one you promised your life too,
The one you would place above all.
You would never be the one to wipe away my tears.
So I buried the pain as you asked me to for all these years.

Always I would be the one you kept at arms length
The one you only loved so much
Enough to not scare me away
Enough to make me not want what she has.
Only so much and no more.
No matter what you'd say.

And even after I succeeded in forgetting it all
I could still feel you in the wind,
smell your scent, see your prints on me
And I will never be the same again.

I saw you. Time hadn't aged you.
I saw your eyes, hiding it all.
My body remembered the touch of your skin.
And I wondered what you were to me.
My love.

I cried again, remembering you.
And I could see you in my mind, telling me to stop
But I refused.
The crying coudn't stop when I refused.
But no one saw me.

Some day I will succeed in forgetting you again.
I will still feel your hands somewhere in the mist.
Every season, something will remind me of you.
Though I will not acknowledge it.
And your spirit will move through me again.
Like scattered leaves.
This is my life.
My love