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I wanted to die
Cause I felt like dying inside
I imagined the blood flowing from me
& I could feel the pain
& please don't tell me that you understand when you haven't gone through it yourself
I don't think I'll ever face my reality
Everything's confusing me now
I don't know what's real or not
I'm trying to remember if any of it was
Love beauty even talks of marriage
How long before I see?
I gave so much of myself for you
You kept everything from me
You say were weren't compatible but we were
You did it to me even before we got together
Long before you knew I wanted you
There's a lot you still don't know
- & you better believe it
I took so many risks & went thru so much pain
Physically & emotionally
I know I'm not the only one you hurt
But I'm the only one who tried
Cared
And will still take you back
Faults and all
What makes you think you have to lie to your girls?
You wonder who there's always so many problems with that
- don't you?
Well the one thing that's stuck with me is that you have to be
Open in your relationships no matter what
& no you didn't teach me that
Regardless of what happened I always wanted to remained friends
Theres something so unique & special about you
I've been here this long
Who else will do that?
& none of that mattered to me I just wanted you to come back to me
I Love You with every drop of my essence
I've been waiting although
It's a dream lost in a million others
That will never show itself
If everything happens for a reason then there's a reason ur still here
And it's not to get over each other
I just wanted someone for myself
To help with all my insecurities
I gave it all to you
I wouldn't have made it without you
Although the truth points that I would have made it never having met you???
I'm not that venerable little girl you always pictured in your head
I'm so much stronger than that & I know what I want
I Also strive to get it
Even if it takes the life out of me
I couldn't live without you
Even now it feels the same
I don't think I'll ever really Love again
I've pretended so many times but it was never real
All I seem to do is sleep so I
can embrace you in my dreams
We've almost worked out
& I've forgiven you
But,
I can't move on
I know I don't need you
I've been well aware of that
& there's a lot that I don't want
But there's something in me wont
move on – It seems like I've
tried it all
But I know why
- It is because you haven't and will never treat me with
The same dignity that you give them now
Even though I deserve it
All I've ever asked of you is to try
& if I'm wrong
then God please let me know
cause I never did any wrong to him – I never told a single lie
- If it's true that you don't give out more than a person can handle,
Well I can't handle this
A person can only be pushed so far
& now in the process I just lost all of me
It's not going to make me stronger
But it will eventually bring us even closer
- No Matter what any of you said
I can't feel anymore
I don't give a fuck -
about anyone else but you
Even though I sometimes want to
I've had some really good offers come my way these last few months
& Even though I had better – I don't want it
& You don't deserve it at all
I know I'll eventually have to move on in life
But when ur ready I'll leave it all
& I promise to take that next step
- WITH YOU
I've begun to think of you again
I still cry
I just want it to all be over
But It will never matter what
I do
- I can't have you