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Q: I am a widow, and I am now engaged to be married. My fiance still gets e-mail from women on dating sites, and he does not know I have been reading his e-mail. How should I confront him about this? I love him very much. -- Betty, 58

Dr. Susan: You've managed to find yourself in a true quandary. You know you shouldn't be snooping into his email, though you found exactly what you hoped NOT to find: evidence of his extra-curricular activities. Oops. So now what do you do? Simple: you apologize for snooping, but add that you felt you had reason to look deeper before getting married. Something must have tipped you off that he wasn't fully committed, right? Don't put off confronting him about your unease. Couples who are going to be married shouldn't have this kind of secret (both your snooping and his receipt of emails from other women). Perhaps he'll say he hasn't answered the emails, or that he hasn't taken the time to remove himself from those sites. He should remove himself while you watch, and he can show you if he hasn't replied. If he has, he owes you a big explanation. Trust takes time to develop, and you both have to do your part to build it.