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Q: I have been talking to this girl for about a month. I really like her a lot and want to have a relationship with her. I have told her this but she has had bad experiences in the past so she tells me that I wouldn't want to be with her. She always talking negative about herself, but she is the brightest person I have ever met. She calls me all the time and we see each other but nothing has happened. I gave her a dozen roses last week and she seemed to have loosened up, but I don't know. What should I tell her or do? I like her a lot and I want to be with her badly. Please help. -- Chris, 21

Dr. Susan: It sounds to me as though you ARE with her, only not to the extent you'd like. I gather you want a more intimate relationship than she is ready for. Perhaps she really only likes you as a friend. That's not an insult. It just means she isn't as hot for you as you are for her. It also sounds as though she's afraid she'd disappoint you if you knew about her past. I gather she's been with other guys and feels shame or embarrassment about some of what she's done. I don't recommend "telling" her anything for now. She knows how you feel. Continue communicating with her and don't pressure her. Perhaps when she feels more trusting, she'll be more open to a deeper relationship.