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Q: My husband and I have been married for 28 years. He has cheated before, but I took him back. Recently I discovered that he is cheating again. I am still in love with him and want him just as much as the first time. He knows I know about this person and he has said it was over, but evidence proved he lied. He refuses to talk things out. I know that some of the problem was me, but all he needed to do was talk to me and tell me what was wrong. I have admitted the things I did to try to get rid of this woman. She is someone who gives pity to lonely, upset husbands. I guess maybe she is afraid she can't handle a single man, but I'm not willing to give my man to her without a fight. How should I handle this fight, since she won't face me? -- Sara, 54

Dr. Susan: You must take up the fight with your husband. It's not usually the other woman you should be confronting, though you do see that scenario on TV. And I know it's tempting to wish she would just go away. But your husband isn't someone she can take or you can give away. First you must get your mate to talk about what's going on, to admit he's still seeing this woman, and to decide whether or not he wants to continue being with you. If you go to her directly, she isn't likely to back off. You said she won't even face you. And if she does, he will just find someone else to cheat with. Treat him like an adult who can make decisions, and perhaps he will make the right decision and stay away from this woman. If he won't talk to you or see a therapist with you or truly stop seeing this woman, immediately, then I suggest you see a lawyer about your rights. Any fights you have should be in the realm of words, and your "fight" is with your cheating husband, not the women he happens to be dallying with.