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Q: I am a single mom of two boys and I haven't been on a date for several years now. I am a gay female. I enjoy having that someone to talk to, share experiences with, and just holding a hand or a kiss. My problem is when I was younger it was easy, and now I am not sure where to go to find someone to date. The bars are nice but that is usually a short-lived thing. I'm trying the internet, but that is not going the way I would like. Why is it harder now that I am older and what can I do to be successful in this area of my life? -- Nancy, 42

Dr. Susan: There are a couple of reasons it's harder to date when you get older. One is that so many of the "good ones" are already taken. Another is that most of us get pickier as we get older and have more experience, and that works both ways. Bars have never been the best way to get to know someone with whom to share a life, as you've found. Internet dating is worth sticking with, in my opinion, but do your research. There are all kinds of sites and it doesn't make sense to judge them all by your success with one or two of them. It takes time. I suggest you get involved in an activity or two, even though you're pretty busy as a single mom. Take the time to investigate all the groups in your area, that women, especially gay women, might be involved in. And did I say this already? It takes time, patience, and a pleasant attitude.