Search

Q: For months I would see this guy come into my work. Gradually he came in more often, and I made my move. Although we hung out, he has no cell phone and our only means of communication is via the internet. It's been four months now since I made the move and we've only been on three dates since then. Now there is no effort on his part to call/message. He always wants me to call but he is never there when I call. In person he is so excited to see me, but that's it. No excitement in-between. Should I just not try anymore because I'm the one making all the effort? He doesn't return phone calls and hardly writes back anymore. He hasn't even kissed me yet. - Alicia, 20

Dr. Susan: Four months, three dates, no kiss, and he doesn't return your calls. I'd say you're missing a big red flashing sign right before your eyes. If you would only pay attention to it, the sign says: Not very interested. Stop trying, and this guy will just fade away. He probably thinks you're fun to hang out with in a work context, but beyond that, you don't have much of a relationship. Sometimes a guy will show excitement in person, but not in other ways, because he doesn't really have a mental image of you in mind. He sees you, is suddenly reminded you're cute and fun, great. But in-between times, he goes about his business and never thinks of you. You write, you call, he ignores you. That sounds like a lot of effort on your part with almost no payoff at all. Give it up.