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Dr. Susan: If I had a roommate who swiped my intimate apparel without asking, I'd be very annoyed. How much more irritating it would be for your wife to discover that her favorite undies (clean or not) have somehow been co-opted by you without her knowledge and permission! Beyond simple good manners, I do think you should let your wife know what you've been doing and why you do it. The secretive nature of your fetish may be adding to the titillation factor for you, but the risk is that your wife will be upset, perhaps disgusted, when she does find out, and that doesn't bode well for your relationship remaining a close and loving one. Keep the conversation casual, give her some time to get used to the idea, and maybe the two of you can find some way to integrate your turn-on into your intimate lives so she can benefit also. Be aware, though, that a man wearing women's underwear isn't a big thrill in and of itself to most women, so be prepared to offer your wife something in exchange for her tolerance. I don't mean a dishwasher, but rather something sexy just for her.