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Q: I'm 21, and for the past 15 months I have really grown to know and love my girlfriend. Although she knows me for who I am, her mother disagrees that I'm good for her, and she still lets her mother make decisions for her. How should I handle the situation? Should I continue to try and make things right with her and forget about her mother or should I slow down and try and win her mother's love? -- Brandon

Dr. Susan: You can't forget about your girlfriend's mother if she herself still takes her mom's advice seriously. My answer depends on what this woman's concerns are. Does she think you don't have a rich enough future, or are not the right ethnic group, or does she think you and her daughter are generally a poor match? Do you hang out with people her mom considers losers? Are you uneducated and unambitious, or do you talk to her daughter in unkind ways? Winning this mother's love could take a long long time, and I wouldn't try to rush anything. Also consider that your girlfriend may be using her mom to help her get out of a relationship she has doubts about anyway. That's not uncommon. Ask your girlfriend what she thinks you can do to win over her mom. But until she's ready to think for herself, you may be out of luck.