Search

Q: I'm 20, and a few months ago my girlfriend and I broke up because I didn't pay enough attention to her. She said that in the future she wouldn't be against giving it another try. After a while, we began to talk and hang out. Lately she has been sending mixed signals. Since I value my friendship with her, I don't know if it's a good idea to just put my feelings on the table and try to find out were I stand with her or hold my thoughts inside and hope that eventually I figure out what is going on. I'm afraid to make things worse. -- Luke

Dr. Susan: Maybe you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you're a young dog, so learn to speak. And do it now. Otherwise you're going to be stuck in an on-again off-again half-hearted relationship. Of course, you have to consider that maybe your girlfriend is trying to get that attention she wants so badly by keeping you on the edge with all those mixed signals. If you'd prefer a genuine relationship that goes beyond friendly chit-chat and hanging out, you need to be willing to take a risk. If you spend your life afraid to speak up and "make things worse," you're always going to be settling for quite a bit less than you really want. Holding your thoughts inside is the direct route to a cold, distant, confusing, unsatisfying relationship. For both of you.