Search

Q: Is there any way to make a man more romantic? I try to keep the thrill alive in my marriage, but I feel like I’m the only one putting in the effort. My sweet husband is happy to go along on date nights or weekends away, but he never takes the initiative to plan those kind of events on his own. Is there hope or should I just get used to another night on the couch? -- Susanne, 51

Dr. Susan: I believe you have another choice: accept the reality that you're the one who craves the thrills, not him. So long as he happily goes along with your plans, why make a big issue out of his lack of initiative in that department? Sure, it would be lovely to be surprised occasionally, or to feel that he, too, wants to make the effort to enliven your marriage. But you're not going to get an old husband (or even a relatively new one) to turn romantic if that's not his style or nature. Some guys simply aren't planners in that way. Some feel that what you mean by "romantic" is too artificial for them. Allow him to help you with the planning in any way he is willing (if any), and then be glad that he's good company when you go out.