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Q: I just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. I told her I would do the right thing and stay by her, but I’m not even sure I love her. We met at our community college and have been together for 10 months. We don’t fight or anything, but I didn’t think it would move this fast. She wants me to move into her house with her parents, but my house would really be better since we could have the whole basement. This whole thing has me in shock, and somehow I’m starting to feel played. Do I tell her that? My parents are supportive, but this isn’t how I thought things would be. – Dean, 19

Dr. Susan: It strikes many individuals at some point in their life that “this isn’t how I thought things would be.” It’s a shame you’re both experiencing this shock so young. But a fact’s a fact: you had sex and she got pregnant. As she appears to want to keep this baby, I understand her preference for living with her parents. A young mom can derive comfort and practical help from her own mother. Though your basement may be larger, living with your parents isn’t going to satisfy that need for her.

Is she playing you? You haven’t said anything to convince me of that. You’re not sure you love her? Love isn’t some miraculous thing that just “happens.” It’s more often that you like someone very much, get along well, and decide to make a commitment to one another. Having a baby so soon IS your commitment. So I suggest you get practical, move in with her, fall in love with your baby, and both of you work out ways to complete your education and become self-sustaining. Marriage would be nice too, but I understand I’m going against the social trend here. Oh, and I suggest seeing a counselor about your shock and paranoia. Perhaps a legal advisor too.