Search

Q: My girlfriend and I have been dating over two years, and we love each other so much. It's a long distance relationship in which we see each other every other weekend. We talk about the future quite often, and have even talked about marriage, though I'm only 21. But now she has decided that she wants to take some time off from our relationship. I don't want to lose her, and since we already don't see each other often, I'm worried things will just fade out. Is this a reasonable fear? -- Jim

Dr. Susan: It doesn't sound like you have as much choice as you might like, Jim. I fear things are fading as we sit here typing. Long distance relationships are really really hard! If your girlfriend is itching to date others, there's no way you're going to be able to get her to stick with the old pattern. She may have already met someone else, or she may merely be fantasizing about the idea during those long lonely days when you're not together. Or perhaps she's afraid of committing to you this young without playing the field a little more. Either way, you have to let her go and see if what the two of you share is strong and deep enough to keep you bonded.

Could it be that she's hoping you'll ask her to marry you rather than let her go? It happens that way in certain romantic movies, but in real life, a request for time off often means the beginning of the end. See if you can clarify what's going on in her mind, if she's brave enough to be honest. Does she want to see you in a month? Next year? Remind her, of course, that you'll be dating others too, though you'd rather be with her. And then, though it's going to hurt for a while, try not to moon around over her too long before going out with your friends and reconnecting with whoever you were before you met her.