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Q: My ex-wife and I are currently trying to rebuild a marriage that I ended with a divorce. Am I wrong for thinking that she is seeing someone behind my back? She is secretly calling and receiving calls from some of the guys she slept with during our separation and divorce. The calls (both ways) only take place when I'm not around, and when I ask about it she lies to me. -- Oscar, 38

Dr. Susan: You're not wrong to mistrust your ex-wife. If you're both interested in rebuilding your broken marriage, there has to be complete openness on both your parts. She simply can't be having any contact, especially secret, lied-about contact, with the other men she's been with. Let her know these calls are a deal-breaker. She needs to be willing to open her call history to you if you are ever to trust her again. She has to bend over backward to make her activities transparent to you. No more secrets, or it won't work.