A True Shop-A-HOG-Lic

I met this chick on myspace.com. I'll call her "Diana". We hit it off pretty well. We talked online for a couple weeks when we decided it was time for us to meet in person. Diana felt our first meeting should be in a public place, so we agreed to meet at a local mall. To my surprise, she was even prettier than her pictures, and we had an instant chemistry between us. There was only one drawback to this otherwise phenomenonal woman I found myself with. Diana stank. I mean, she STANK! Turns out she had extremely sensitive skin that would break out in boils if she ever came in contact with soap of any kind. When she spun around for me in a sun dress she was trying on, it became apparent by the jungle of growth under her armpits that her skin also could not tolerate a razor or deodorant. After a bit more shopping, Diana suggested that we have some lunch. She was so pretty and so nice, I just couldn't tell her that her hairy armpits and smelly body had completely obliterated my appetite. So, once we had been seated in a restaurant in the mall, I politely excused myself to use the restroom, and then I bolted. Taking no prisoners, I made it out of that mall, to my car, and on the freeway in record time. Before she could even realize I had gone, I was at home deleting my myspace account and starting my online existence anew.

— Markie, 22

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