Head Over Heels

I have had more than my share of lovers in my life. Years ago, I settled down with one woman and raised a family. I am self-employed and have six employees, all of whom are female. She worked for me for more than five years, and then something happened. For my part, I felt a powerful and instant connection with her the minute we met. For years, I hid my true feelings. Hid them so well, in fact, that she came into my office and asked if I didn't like her since I didn't spend as much time with her as the other employees. I did not have the courage to tell the truth as she was seemingly happily married. I kept my feelings to myself. Three years later, on a Friday afternoon, all of the other employees had decided to take the day off before the holiday weekend. Agitated by this, I looked at her and said, "Let's go have a drink." We sat in a bar for a couple of hours and our lives began to change. From that moment on, our time together in the office began to take on subtle but exciting changes. After a month of flirting, I called in one morning. When she answered, I asked her to lunch. She said "yes" and we met. I wasn't sure what was going to happen and was more than a little bit nervous. She walked up and kissed me passionately. I couldn't believe it. With that kiss, we both realized our worlds were turning upside down. We dated for four months whenever we could. It was the strongest feeling of love I had ever experienced and so it was for her. We almost got caught several times, but the attraction was too strong to break. She was and still is a beautiful fifty-year-old woman, feminine and passionate. She has a family and husband. I am fifty-plus and also have a loving wife and family. Neither of us was looking for love. Neither of us was unhappy at home. It wasn't about sex or lust. Yeah, that happened, but this was love, pure and joyful. It was the best and worst thing ever to happen to me in my life. It just happened. It was like being hit by a ton of bricks, but wonderful. The obstacles were too great to overcome. Too much family, two divorces, millions of dollars in assets to divide, too much history. We couldn't go on, and we couldn't make the change to be together. An Irish-Scottish tragedy. We tried to break it off several times. Finally, confessions at home were the only way to stop. Today, we are both living a fake life at home and make contact rarely, but we do make contact. We both know we should break apart permanently, but we can't. We will probably never see one another again, but that thought was, and is, too much of a burden to bear. I still love her. I miss her taste, her touch, and her being. She feels the same way. Sometimes we can only grab a couple of minutes on the phone in an entire month, but they are the best minutes in my life. I thought at my age and experience I was past such passion. I had been "around the block" too many times to fall head over heels in love. I was wrong. I am sure I'll carry this feeling to my grave.

— Tony, 59

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