Jaws of Life

I met Chrissie through a good mutual friend. I was proceeding slowly because I thought it was important not to risk damaging the existing friendships. So even though we'd been out a few times, goodnight kisses were still of the peck-on-the-cheek variety. Then she invited me to a football game at my alma mater along with her parents--also alumni--who were in from out of town. Naturally I thought this meant she rated our relationship as something more than mere passing fancy. We met her parents at their hotel, went out for fast food, and then went to the game. Afterward, we ran by her condo on the way back to her parents' hotel. But waiting at Chrissie's condo was another boyfriend; it seems he had arrived early for his evening date with her. Needless to say, I wasn't too pleased, and her parents were clearly embarrassed. She did apologize, so I decided to give her at least one more chance. On our next date, I decided it was time for a more intimate goodnight kiss. What happened next I can't quite explain, but I practically had to pry her mouth open! Even after that, there was no response whatsoever. I was wondering if the girl didn't know how to kiss or if this was the ultimate snub. Anyway, after roaming my tongue around her motionless mouth for an incredibly uncomfortable 5 seconds, I wrapped it up and said goodbye. And boy, did I mean it.

— Jack, 32

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