You know how sometimes you have to fart on a date but you can't, so you hold it in for so long that when you finally do it feels great? One hot and humid night, when my date and I were parked down by the river, I developed the gaseous pains. I had to pee, so I got out of the car, walked over to a tree, peed, and farted like never before. I felt ten pounds lighter. Then I got back in the car and, as we were making out, started smelling feces. The odor got stronger and thicker in the humid night. My date backed up with a look on her face that said, "What the hell is THAT?" I went to the nearest gas station, and when I pulled down my drawers--well, you have a pretty good idea what was in them.
— Hank, 33