Never Be Too Trusting

Being in a relationship, I have not gathered the guts of dating or even meeting a new guy. Online, I do chat with some guys, but that's just about it. I have always been honest that I am in a relationship with whoever I talk to. For a little over a year now, there is this guy who knew me when he checked out my profile online. I don't know what is with this guy that led me to consider him seriously. Maybe it's his trying to project that he is a goody-good guy. He claimed to be single, an ex-seminarian at that, no vices, has a good job, etc. Through our conversations, he seemed to be nice. I must admit, he has in a way swept me off my feet. There were several attempts of us meeting, but it finally took place after about four months of communicating through the net or mobile phone. We had a good dinner. Then one thing led to another, and we ended up being intimate. He has even asked me what would I do if he asked me to give up my current relationship for him? I did a lot of thinking and assessing the situation. I still have to find out his real intentions. This has been followed by three more encounters in a span of six or seven months. I gave this an opportunity of finding out what could prosper in the process. I am not the nosey type of person as I respect one's privacy. I have not delved into his personal details from the start. I just accepted everything that he claimed to be. But I have this inkling that he is hiding some truth. I did some research with barely the info that I have (his mobile phone number and license plate number). To my discovery, the identity of this person is not the one he has revealed to me! With a little help from a friend, I found out his real name, where he worked, and where he lived. How stupid of me to have fallen into the trap! I tried sending signals to him that I had discovered the truth. Then one night, through text messages sent on his mobile phone, I confronted him and asked for the truth. He denied it at first, but eventually admitted. It's his conscience perhaps that pushed him to tell me the truth. After all, I have been so nice to him all along. He tried opening up, saying that he was married but no longer married, and that he has beautiful twin daughters with him. He found out that his wife was having an affair with a lesbian during the early part of their marriage. He gave her a second chance and had these daughters, only to find out later that the wife's affair with the lesbian still existed. He explained that if he had told me the truth beforehand, I probably would not have met with him. He said he has no bad intentions with me and knew that this day would come - that I will discover his lies. What's so sad about this is I've tried to build my castles in the sand with this guy. I've started hoping and dreaming that we could be a promising couple together. My mom is even rooting for him based on all my stories I told her about this new guy. But now that the reality has been presented to me, I don't know where to go from here. To think that I have almost jeopardized the current relationship with the man who really loves me all because of this new guy. At this point, I'm still having mixed emotions. I am relieved that he is already honest with me, but I'm confused with what role I play in his life, if any, and whether there's still something to look forward to with him. I'm also depressed because "reality bites" and in a way, truth hurts! Yesterday, he informed me that he needs to go home to be with his kids who want to go swimming with him. I caught myself in tears, knowing full well that I am not his priority and I am not the only person in his life.

— Melissa, 37

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