Don't Think I'm Mean

I knew this guy, and he was really nice and everything, but he wasn't my type. He was more serious, and I really wanted to have more fun with my friends and be more casual with everyone. But he kept calling and showing up at my dorm room while I was taking classes. Sometimes, I just wanted him to go away. So, he kept asking me to do things with him. It was a Friday afternoon, and I had this self-defense course that I took with a few of my friends at the dorm. We had signed up together on campus. We always paired up, where one of us would be the "guy" and the other would be the "girl", and then switch. But he asked what I was doing, and I just quickly said, "I need a partner at self-defense class. Do you want to come with?" He said sure. I said, "Well, go home and change into a t-shirt and gym shorts because it's sort of like a workout." So, he came flying back in like ten minutes, and we went to class together with some of my other friends. So, we get there, and I really started to feel bad. First of all, there were only like three guys there. So, even I was a little embarrassed because it made it look like he was my boyfriend, and I didn't want to give out that message. But, I did feel a little bad for him, too. Then, just for some reason, this was one of the more physical classes. We worked on pressure areas, like where to push a guy over easily, and then how to render them defenseless quickly so that a woman could get away. I'm not kidding, at least half of the class was focused on kicks or knees to the groin. So, like I said, I really didn't want to be mean, but every time they said to try these things, I really did have to kick or knee him. I didn't go over the top, but I never missed, either. At first I was embarrassed, but I realized that he had no choice, so I just kept doing it. I pretended like I needed to know how to do this. Each time I'd say sorry, but we'd do it again. After a bit, I started to think it was funny. I didn't laugh, but it was so funny to have him have to stand there, knowing that I was going to knee his package. I started to do little things like leave my knee there longer, and pretend like I was trying to do it right. He was so embarrassed. I must have kicked or kneed him like fifty times in forty-five. One time, the instructor came over and actually watched me. She stood behind him and held his shoulders square to me. I thought I was going to die. When the class was over, I was like, "Hey, we have to go to the cafeteria, so I have to go. Thanks so much, though." I know I was rude. Anyway, he didn't call or come over much after that! I'm sure he thought I was a bitch, but it was the only way I knew to let him know that I didn't feel the same way about him.

— Trudy, 22

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