A Nightmare Come True

A co-worker of mine had been successful with using this expensive online introduction service that you see advertised on TV all the time. She had married a man that she had been paired with using the "Twenty-nine points of compatibility", and she was deliriously happy. Encouraged by her success and impressed with the efficiency of starting a relationship with someone you already knew was basically compatible; I completed the extensive questionnaire and waited for my "perfect match". I was introduced to Gus who lived four hours from me. We chatted online and on the phone for literally hundreds of hours that first month. He was a dream come true. He was attentive, engaging, and intelligent. I felt myself falling in love before we ever met in person. After we actually met in person, things began to move quickly. I had a difficult time explaining to friends and family why I loved this man because the only word I could use was "perfect". He said and did just the right things. I thanked the good Lord above for sending me this perfect man. He sent me poetry (that he supposedly wrote), he sent flowers (roses, no less), and he extolled my virtues and his undying love for me in hundreds of text messages on my phone. He brought his kids with him one weekend to meet my children. He proposed to me with a beautiful diamond solitaire ring. I accepted, and we spent hours planning a romantic, yet simple, ceremony. After about two months of a whirlwind romance, his behavior abruptly changed one evening. All I knew was that he had spent some time at his ex-wife's house because of the kids and that she had made a sexual overture to him. He insisted that he left immediately and that it meant nothing to him. However, soon he was picking fights with me and acting uncharacteristically cruel. Finally, I had enough and broke off the engagement and returned the ring. I found it difficult to believe it had anything to do with the ex because of all of the negative and unloving things he had said about her. Then, out of the blue, Gus called one evening and stated that he had to get something off of his chest. He explained in detail that he had purposefully set out to find someone, trick them into believing he loved them, and get them to agree to become engaged to him, all so that the ex-wife would be jealous. I was devastated that he would want to share this with me. He seemed to revel in hurting me with all the details of how he played me. He expounded on his ability to bullsh*t the best, lie without being found out, having the ability to step on people to get what he wanted, and all the while feeling no remorse or guilt and sleeping like a baby at night. I finally hung up and spent several days questioning my sanity. My mother found some information on the internet on sociopath personality disorder. Gus fit the description perfectly. I didn't know that this type of person existed. My hope is to share my story and hopefully to keep someone else from having to go through what I went through. Take relationships slow, no matter how perfectly they seem. Meet as many friends of the person as you can, and believe that if something is too good to be true, it probably is.

— Benita, 39

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