Confusion Reigned

I wasn't random like many internet lovers. I was targeted by someone I had known for twenty-seven years! The man I speak of is named Craig. We dated briefly in college. He left to go to another school. I never heard from him again until 2002 when he emailed me out of the blue. We caught up by speaking daily over the Internet. He very quickly initiated an emotional affair with me. He turned to cybersex very, very quickly. I told him to slow down and suggested that we have lunch or coffee together first. He was moving way too fast. He was pushing to meet me at a hotel right away, but I told him no. I said we needed to meet a few times first. I also told him I was not comfortable getting involved with someone who was married with two children. After telling him this, he would distance himself from me for a few weeks and then come back with a vengeance. He told me he had ADHD and that because of this, he could not control himself around me. Confusion reigned. We continued talking for many months as friends. Every once in a great while there would be cybersex. He finally admitted to me that he was addicted to online porn, role-playing, and cybersex. He started to request that I do things for him on a web cam. He said it was "the only safe way we could be together." No, thank you! I kept trying to keep things on a friendship level, but he only continued to talk about his inability to control his urges. I realized then that he had turned into a sex addict. The sexual tension and pressure was eventually too much for me, so I stopped speaking to him because I was so uncomfortable. However, since we did have a prior relationship and I did consider him to be a good friend, I would always forgive him and talk to him again. Craig was a self-employed journalist. He fancies himself a writer, and I have a girlfriend, Sheri, in the business on the west coast. So, in 2004, I introduced Craig to my friend online, and she helped him to get an article of his published. Three weeks ago, I learned that shortly after I introduced them he initiated an online affair with her. She also had a history of abusive and painful relationships, so she was an easy target for him. Plus, she was twice as trusting since I had introduced the two of them. She stopped talking to me for weeks until one night she IMed me to ask me a question about Craig. We had a marathon conversation after not talking for so long. She told me that Craig had plans to go out West to see her with the intent of starting an actual affair. We realized as we talked how he had intentionally kept us from talking for so long. As we talked, we concluded that Craig had been either telling us polar opposite stories or lying where no lie was even necessary. Despite the fact that he was still married with two children, he told Sheri that he loved her, offered to buy her gifts, and had repeated phone and cybersex with her. It had become evident to me that he was a deeply sick person. Things had become so clouded that I doubt HE even knew where the lies ended and the truth began. Craig was irate when he learned that Sheri and I had talked and that his lies had been exposed. I was, and continue to be, very scared. I doubt he would come and try to harm me, but right now I realize that I don't know this person at all. I have found that he is registered on numerous adult personals sites seeking sexual partners. What makes it even worse is that this married man uses his regular online screen name and makes no attempt to hide who he is or even where he lives. Sheri and I made a decision to turn all of our information on him over to his wife and his rabbi in hopes that, for the sake of his children, they would intervene. This, of course, added to his anger. I am emotionally devastated. This isn't about revenge but about doing the right thing. Not too long ago, Craig and his wife got some buddy of theirs, a detective, to call and hassle me. So, I called the detective's sergeant and sent him copies of everything I had on Craig. After that, everything stopped. It's sad for me when I remember the person I knew Craig to be many years ago in college compared to the messed-up individual he has become now. I hope my story will at least serve as a warning to other women out there to always be careful, very careful.

— Georgina, 48

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