Too Many Tricks
On someone's suggestion, I went on a first date to a gentleman's home on a lake. He had invited me for dinner, and when I arrived, he attempted to fill me up with his fine selection of liquor. I chose a bottle of red wine--uncorked, of course. Then he served me some appetizers and proceeded to get very drunk. He stuck a piece of Swiss cheese up his nose, made what he thought were funny noises, and, to top it off, asked me, "Do you like sex?" Then he tried to convince me to stay at his house, saying, "You have a long drive home; you can sleep on the couch, and I'll sleep in my bed." This soon changed to: "You and I can be adults and sleep together in my bed." Now, I had arrived at his house at 6 p.m. By 8:30, I had yet to have the gourmet dinner he had promised to make for me. I looked at the man--who, by that time, was quite obviously very drunk--and told him I was going home. I'd had enough of the antics he seemed to think were funny. He got very upset because he had thawed out sea scallops and did not know what to do with them. I told him to feed them to his cat, which was already 20 pounds overweight, and he told me to have a nice life. Thanks buddy, I will--especially without you in it.
— Trudy, 44