Dull as Dishwater

I used to have a profile on an internet dating website. I had a rule never to meet up with any guy unless I had seen at least 2 or 3 photos of him. A man contacted me and he seemed okay. He described himself as 34 years old, tall, athletic, attractive, and with a good sense of humor. When I requested a photo he told me that he wasn't able to keep any picture of himself online or to send any through email, because he's a barrister and it would be too risky. I thought 'what the hell' and decided to meet up with him the following weekend. I was curious and I'd had nothing else planned anyway. I stupidly agreed to drive to his place and meet up there before we went to a restaurant. He lived in an extremely swank penthouse apartment in the heart of the city and the first thing he said to me when I stepped into his place was not, "Hello, nice to meet you," but "Go and have a look at the view." My first impression was that he was a bit of a show-off. My second impression was that he was also a complete liar. He looked to be at least 45 years old, he was shorter than me, and very plain looking. I should have left straight away, but I thought I might as well go for the dinner. Who knows, he may have been telling the truth about having a sense of humor. The night might not be a complete waste of time. We drove to the restaurant in his car, which he took pains to tell me was a very expensive and wonderful car. On the way to the restaurant, he stopped off at a huge building and asked me to follow him inside. It was his work office and he wanted to show me where he worked at his 'very important job'. By this time, I was feeling very bored and more than a bit hungry. When we finally got to the restaurant, I decided to order the cheapest thing on the menu just to piss him off. As the night progressed, it became very clear that this man had absolutely no sense of humor. He was dull as dishwater and annoyingly conceited. He never even once asked me anything about myself and whenever I asked him something about himself, he would drone on and on and on. A trip to the dentist would have been more enjoyable. As soon as dinner was over, I started yawning and saying that I simply have to get some rest, as tomorrow I had a very early start at work. He drove me back to his apartment, but I didn't go up. I said, "Thanks for dinner, see ya!" and almost ran around the corner to get to my car. Thankfully, I never heard from him again and not long after that, I quit going on 'internet dates'.

— Heather, 31

Love Library: Featured Articles