The Smoocher

I had signed up at and met a guy that I thought was really nice. We started to talk on the phone and decided to meet one night. He was always telling me that he was going to be the best kisser I've ever had because all his ex's told him what a great "smoocher" he was (which I didn't believe). He had a really nice voice, so I pictured someone tall, with blond hair and an athletic body (he told me that he ran every morning). I got to the bar first and ordered a drink. It was kind of late, so there weren't a lot of people in the restaurant. About 10 minutes later, a short, dumpy blond guy (picture a garden gnome without the beard) walked in and came right up to me. I pretended to be totally into him. He bought the dinner and drinks and kept talking about how pretty I am and what a great time we were going to have dating. I told him it was really getting late and that I had to go. He asked me if I wanted to go outside and sit in his van and listen to music. I told him no, it was time to go. He then said that it was a line to get me to give him a kiss. I told him he could walk me out to my car instead. When we got out to my car, I turned to give him a hug - and immediately he jammed his tongue into my mouth - and left it there! No movement at all! I finally pushed him off and got into my car and drove away. To this day I have not responded to his emails or phone calls (I changed my number). And I would also like to find all the girls that told him that he was a great kisser, because it was the worst night of my life!

— Mia, 24

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