The Ziplock Boyfriend

I met Brandon online when I was in school, and we chatted frequently. He worked at a local amusement park, and I decided to go up there one day with a friend of mine and surprise him. I asked an employee what ride he was working that day, and I was told I could find him at the top of one of the water slides. So up we went. I could see two people working, one male, one female, and the guy was not the best looking guy in the world. He saw me staring, and smiled. As the line inched closer, he started trying to flirt with me, using the absolute lamest wanna-be pick up lines ever, and it was absolutely repulsive. I could not believe this doofus was the great guy I had been talking to. After our turn, we steered clear of that ride, but he hunted us down during his break. I was trying to be polite and laugh at his stupid jokes, when he suddenly pulled out two condoms, one blue and one yellow, and quoted the Ziplock commercial, "Hey look! Blue-yellow makes green seal!" I was disgusted and told him who I was and that he could take me off of his Buddy List because I didn't want to talk to him again. He looked at me genuinely confused and asked what I was talking about. Turns out, Brandon had been placed on a different ride that day, but this dork STILL wouldn't give up his lame pick-up lines even after I explained the situation. We did find Brandon, and he was exactly as I pictured him, and we have been friends for many years now. To this day, he still teases me about my "Ziplock Boyfriend."

— Melissa, 21

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