Extremely Awkward

I have had several crushes on women, including one long-term crush in high school, but I've never had the guts to ask the high school girl or any of the others out. The only intimate relationship I've had has been with a guy. I met him in my freshman year of college, and we became friends first. He had a lot of problems adjusting to college and his sexuality that I tried to help him through. We poured our hearts out to each other and, as we got closer, the physical attraction became obvious. Eventually, he confessed that he had fallen in love with me. I didn't really know what else to do but encourage him as he was so vulnerable, and I was attracted to him. We never had sex, but we made out pretty much every time we were alone, and we "explored" each other pretty thoroughly. He ended up transferring, but I have seen him a few times since then. Each time we become intimate like before. We've halfheartedly encouraged each other to look for other relationships, but nothing's worked out for either of us. He is definitely gay, but for the most part, when I try to envision myself with other people, I usually envision myself with a woman. I value this guy's friendship highly, and obviously I've enjoyed the extra lovin'. But I don't really know how to end that part of our relationship. This is going to sound really girly (no offense, ladies), but he's the sweetest guy I've ever met, and I couldn't imagine hurting him by taking that expectation away. Even though I'm still interested in dating women, the knowledge of what I've done makes that possibility extra awkward. I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for a "Brokeback Mountain" scenario only in the twenty-first century. I don't know what to do.

— Earl, 20

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