Does She Know What She Lost?

My wife and I married about nineteen years ago. She was my world, and my marriage was my very most treasured asset. I loved everything about marriage and all the benefits of sharing your life so intimately with that one special person. We laughed together, cried together, and everything we did was always together except for my job. I have a career that takes me from home weekly. After seven years married, I came home one day while she was at work. I sat down on the computer and began finding things out about her that really shocked me. I found that she had been involved swapping nude photos and having erotic conversations with other men. I dug a little deeper and found she had an affair with an old boyfriend. I also suspect her of being with my best buddy and with my brother. These last two have not been confirmed, but hey you can't trust liars anyway. It literally took my whole world away! The trust was gone, the happiness gone, and all the meaning of marriage. I was devastated! She knew how I felt about cheating and also knew that was the one thing I would divorce her for. What really bothers me is knowing that, she did it anyway. It was the same as her telling me I wasn't as good to her as a cheap roll in the sack. Oh, we are still married, if that's what you want to call it. She cried and said sorry and made all these promises and then proceeded to cater to my every little notion to make up for it. So I stayed, sort of. I forgave her, but the damage was done. I do love her as a person, but since then I haven't believed a word she breathes. I don't trust a thing she says or does. To this day every time she tells me she loves me I want to laugh in her face. We still make love, but for me it's only physical. Truth be told, if it wasn't for our grandkids, I may at any time just decide not to go home; I don't know. It happened twelve years ago and I still feel like it happened yesterday. I would cheat on her in a second now and not care if she knew. In fact, if she told me to hit the road tomorrow, I wouldn't bat an eye. So when I read all these confessions, I have to wonder, do all these people really know what they are in for? Does my wife really know what she lost? Oh, I'm still there, but my heart left a long time ago!

— Alex, 39

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