An Open Letter

This is an open letter to a very special person. It's been about fourteen years since I saw you. I can't believe it. It's been a little over ten since we last talked. I just had to try and make contact with you. I wonder how you are doing. To be perfectly honest, I've wondered this off and on since our time together. Sure, there've been others, but you were my first real love. And you were very special in many, many ways. I think about the letters you would write me and give to me at school. I don't have them anymore, nor do I have pictures. They were thrown out for me a few years back. I still think about how you wrote that every time you held a rose, it seemed you only felt the thorns. I know it was from a song, our song, but you used it in just the right context of the letter, at just the right time in our lives. I just hope that you have felt nothing but the rose, only the petals, and no thorns. Such a caring heart like yours really deserves it. "This is why my eyes are closed. It's just as well for all I've seen." That's a line I like to use. We had conflict, most of it out of our hands, and usually by people who thought we were just kids. And we were, but also so much in love. Oh, and I don't have that cassette anymore of the songs you recorded for me. But I did finally find the lyrics to that song from The Nutcracker Prince recently, although I can't find the original recording. Maybe that's why I'm writing this now. I've forgotten how the song goes, but I know the words again. I was so relieved to find them. Very powerful meaning for a couple of eighteen-year-olds. The last time we talked, you had called me. You found me where I was so far away a few years later. And I totally dismissed you. I have held that regret for some time. I am sorry for everything, if it means anything. I hope it doesn't though, because I hurt you, and now I should be dismissed. I took your trust and your confidence for granted. I hope it doesn't because I obviously did not show you any compassion or understanding when I ended what we had. All those nights we spent together after I'd get off of work, all those wonderful moments down by the lake. I still go down to our spot when I'm in town. But those memories ceased to mean anything to me at one regretful moment in time. I've since ended a couple of relationships this way and I'm paying for it now. As I should. I just wanted to let you know that I do think about you, and I have even more recently. I really hope that you are truly loved, and that you love a great person who thinks the world of you. Because believe me, I know what I had and how it is not there now. And I do know how much you deserved it at one time, and didn't get it.

— Howie, 31

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